A Sweetie for the Ages
Jan. 13th, 2026 11:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
iffylogicGrandpa passed tonight.
I'm okay. I said goodbye to him a long time ago, after the dementia had already taken the person I knew.
My poor Mom isn't doing as well, but she's holding up. She's trying not to be angry at herself for not being there for Grandpa when it happened, which is...
Okay so listen. You guys need to understand what an amazing person my mother has been for all of this.
I took care of Grandpa for about 4-5 months, minus tag-outs, but my tasks were basically that of a caretaker. Clean up after him, keep him fed, safe and happy, etc.
October 2024, Mom sold her beautiful house in our family's hometown to move up here—away from family and friends—and help care for him. We split the work, which sounds like a relief, except that his mental condition was getting progressively worse. Even at 99, he was a tall, strong man of over 200lbs who still had fair mobility. Not a good combination with dementia.
While we tried to care for him, Mom got all of his affairs in order: all the ownerships, finances, accounts, insurance and so on—state, private and federal bureaucracies each fighting her claw tooth and nail every step of the way. Not to mention the repairs we were trying to make to the house while hoping he wouldn't notice and freak out.
We knew eventually he would pass a point where our combined effort wouldn't be enough. So she searched for a nursing home.
Nursing homes have a grim reputation, and one that's most likely justified as we have a former nursing home worker in the family with such stories. My mother went on tour after tour while I held down the fort, and it took months of searching before she found a home for veterans about an hour to the south. In the first turn of luck since this all started, the place is fantastic. Tip-top reputation, huge, pretty, clean, wonderful staff, lots of activities, good food (we had some)—even a seal of approval from our family nursing home expert!
We brought him there in August 2025, and it's a relief to say that he was thriving.
How do we know?
Because almost every other day since, my Mom made the hour-long drive there to visit with him. Without fail.
(And the "almost" is because the whole family practically dragged her back to Georgia for the Christmas vacation. It took a lot of convincing! The staff kept in touch, and she went to visit him the first day we were back.)
This evening, we got a call that he probably wasn't going to make it through the night.
Mom quickly ate and was in the middle of throwing her overnight stuff in a bag when we got the second call.
For a mercy, he went quietly and peacefully. They had just cleaned him up, made him comfy, he closed his eyes, and that was it. She wanted to be with him when it happened, and I fully understand how heartbreaking it is to know that things didn't play out that way. But nobody on the planet could have cared about him and put in more effort for him than she did.
One solace that she takes in this is their final exchange. She was getting up to leave at the end of a visit, he looked her in the eyes, smiled and said, "you're a sweetie for the ages."
Mom really is, and she earned that title.
Grandpa's daughter willingly gave up everything and pushed through hell just to make his final days comfortable and happy.
I don't think there's any better testimony to just what a wonderful, loving and supportive man and father he was.
They don't make eggs better than my Mom and her Dad. ♥
I'm okay. I said goodbye to him a long time ago, after the dementia had already taken the person I knew.
My poor Mom isn't doing as well, but she's holding up. She's trying not to be angry at herself for not being there for Grandpa when it happened, which is...
Okay so listen. You guys need to understand what an amazing person my mother has been for all of this.
I took care of Grandpa for about 4-5 months, minus tag-outs, but my tasks were basically that of a caretaker. Clean up after him, keep him fed, safe and happy, etc.
October 2024, Mom sold her beautiful house in our family's hometown to move up here—away from family and friends—and help care for him. We split the work, which sounds like a relief, except that his mental condition was getting progressively worse. Even at 99, he was a tall, strong man of over 200lbs who still had fair mobility. Not a good combination with dementia.
While we tried to care for him, Mom got all of his affairs in order: all the ownerships, finances, accounts, insurance and so on—state, private and federal bureaucracies each fighting her claw tooth and nail every step of the way. Not to mention the repairs we were trying to make to the house while hoping he wouldn't notice and freak out.
We knew eventually he would pass a point where our combined effort wouldn't be enough. So she searched for a nursing home.
Nursing homes have a grim reputation, and one that's most likely justified as we have a former nursing home worker in the family with such stories. My mother went on tour after tour while I held down the fort, and it took months of searching before she found a home for veterans about an hour to the south. In the first turn of luck since this all started, the place is fantastic. Tip-top reputation, huge, pretty, clean, wonderful staff, lots of activities, good food (we had some)—even a seal of approval from our family nursing home expert!
We brought him there in August 2025, and it's a relief to say that he was thriving.
How do we know?
Because almost every other day since, my Mom made the hour-long drive there to visit with him. Without fail.
(And the "almost" is because the whole family practically dragged her back to Georgia for the Christmas vacation. It took a lot of convincing! The staff kept in touch, and she went to visit him the first day we were back.)
This evening, we got a call that he probably wasn't going to make it through the night.
Mom quickly ate and was in the middle of throwing her overnight stuff in a bag when we got the second call.
For a mercy, he went quietly and peacefully. They had just cleaned him up, made him comfy, he closed his eyes, and that was it. She wanted to be with him when it happened, and I fully understand how heartbreaking it is to know that things didn't play out that way. But nobody on the planet could have cared about him and put in more effort for him than she did.
One solace that she takes in this is their final exchange. She was getting up to leave at the end of a visit, he looked her in the eyes, smiled and said, "you're a sweetie for the ages."
Mom really is, and she earned that title.
Grandpa's daughter willingly gave up everything and pushed through hell just to make his final days comfortable and happy.
I don't think there's any better testimony to just what a wonderful, loving and supportive man and father he was.
They don't make eggs better than my Mom and her Dad. ♥
no subject
on 2026-01-14 06:36 pm (UTC)What an absolute trooper your mother is! She has no reason to feel guilty at all after everything she did for her father. It's a testament to their relationship that there was so much love and loyalty between them.
"A sweetie for the ages" -- that's such a lovely term! I'm tearing up.
Sending warm thoughts to you and your family. 💕
no subject
on 2026-01-15 09:01 am (UTC)Thank you most kindly, warm thoughts received and shared. 💖💕